Tag Archives: regret

Lovely Lights

Lovely lights of luminous longevity
Keep this kidish kindred child
Infatuated with initial impressions
Of simply shy sexual seduction

Slowly she senses some
Rarely real revelations of regret
Pushing pointless plundering plots
Over other ominous omissions of
Truthful tragedies she tumbles towards

Falling faster and fearful and focused
Everclear eyes enter an eternity of
Red raging rolling rivers
Salty streams of suffocating sadness

Release
Release
Release

Autumn auburns and ambers
She hides her hidden heart wholly
Stunning spirit shunning the sun
Waiting and wishing a wonderous will would
Rise righting rash and ruddy rejected
Ideas of idiocracy and improve imaginings
Of everlasting empires enticing
Her healing hopeful heart

I loved you

i dont kmow where i was but it was colorful. and it was interesting. i had never been there before but i knew how to get around. i could tell what was in each room but i couldnt remember how long i had been there.
i could sense some danger but no enough scare me. i remember having to go to the bathroom then being sucked out while washing my hands. there must have been a secret door somewhere behind me. or maybe it was above me. in anycase i wasnt where i used to be, for one thing there was no colors only grey. and there was a man and he was taking to me telling me of something that i had to do. but it must not have been all too important because i forgot it or maybe i was suposed to forget. and if he was trying to hold me hostage he was very bad at it. i asked, or rather demanded, that i be released for one moment because i had to do something very important. i dont know why this seemed so important and mandatory that i complete but i had to get back to the colorful room to unlock the bathroom because people would think i was still in there. so i squeezed through a very narrow hallway where all the hallways were different colors. red orange green yellow and purple. i got there and i must have been in that bleak room for a long time because there was quite a few frustrated people waiting for me to get out of the bathroom.and ther was water with an amazingly strong flow, like a waterfall. this suprised me and i didnt know what it was. i opened the door telling them everything would be ok. like it was some tragedie that had occured and i had to motivate them to keep going. one girl was crying, i reconized her as the girl i stared at when she was making out in the hallways at school. i shook her until she quited down, i dont know why this worked but i knew it would. and yelled to her it would be ok and that everything was ok now. but it was just a bathroom and i dont know what the problem was really. must have been the only bathroom in the huge building we were in. but then how did i know that i had never been to this place before.
i walked down the hall and met up with people that must have been my friends but they didnt really play a big part in this experience. i walked into a room full of people with shopping carts. and there was a boy who looked shallow and broken. but my friends shed no sympathy on him. they made fun of what he was buying and his hair. ill admit i joined in the fun, as if i had done it thousands of times before. as my friends left i told them i woudl go catch up with them.
what was this boy putting so many of into his cart?
they looked like they were covered in haiwaiian grass. they were small shapes of flat palm trees and 3-d sail boats and many others. they looked soft. my first thought was mini piñatas. he said they were cutting boards. how strange i thought. i understood how the palm trees coudl work cuz they were flat but the sail boats were curved all teh way around. feeling one i discovered they really were hard and that the “grass” seemed to be frozen into place. so i grabbed two of the palm trees and thanked this poor child. one may never know why he needed so many of them, but then why did i need two?
i turned around to see a different boy walking away. it was someone i reconized. some one who brought me much desperte pain. my eyes filled with tears as all the memories flased through my mind.

 

A meeting here before

Days in the park in the sun

 

Picnics

 

Nights running through the sand on the beach

 

Laughter

 

Hugs

 

Kisses

 

Love

 

Blankness

 

Then I was running away

 

His voice calling after me

 

More blankness

 

Me begging him to take me back

 

Him running away

 

Crying

 

Then all over again

 

Me running from him

 

And him from me

 

Many times with a heart confused and broken

 

something was different this time. i looked back at his receeding figure, down at the cutting boards in my hands and at the lady nearby. “hold these ill be back i promise i swear ill be back just hold them for me this one time” she was baffled and i was off running after him calling his name

 

His name…

 

Micshiael pronounced Michael.

 

He didn’t turn around. But I didn’t expect him too either.

 

He was walking though and with my running I caught up to him easily. I held his arm and with tears in my eyes asked what had went wrong. And he said that I has run away one day, afraid to go any farther. And his heart was broken and that I couldn’t live with out him….and it went on and on. And by then end we were both crying.

 

And then laughing. Laughing and hugging and I knew we were in love.

 

We walked down the aisles my arm around his waist his arm around mine, playing with the back pocket of my jeans.  We looked at everything. And I saw a sign with his name on it. As if that was the normal spelling. And he said I should get it for my dad’s house and I said it would look good there. He said I would never forget his name and would always be reminded of him. There was a sad note in his voice but I don’t know what from. We moved on I saw my dad and he said hi to Micshiael as if he had always known him. And then we ran, hand in hand down the isles laughing and jumping until we came to my mom. And we stopped and he grabbed me from behind and held me close to him with his head buried in my shoulder. I introduced my mom to him and she was happy for me because she could tell that he was a wonderful kid. But maybe that was because she already knew who he was.  When we returned to the lady with the cutting boards I thanked her for keeping them for me while I recovered my life. And she nodded knowingly. It seemed everyone here knew about Micshiael and I’s past. But she insisted that I was to pay her for holding the stuff for me. this was a little strange but not so much, and then she informed me that she realized that she needed the cutting boards and would be keeping them because they were perfect for her new house, but I still needed to pay her for her time. This was even more strange, but I paid her the four dollars she asked for and then I paid her three more because they were stuck to the other three and I didn’t want to bother with separating them. And Micshiael were off running again. Just happy to be alive with each other.

 

And it was weird to be thrown into the middle of something with so much history that you don’t remember but know its all true and you already know you love him.

 

He was perfect. And if people ask me now what the perfect guy is then I will have an answer. Micshiael I will say. And they will as who is Michael and I will tell them.

 

He was a boy who was taller than me. Blond-brown hair that wasn’t too short. In good shape but not buff. Funny with a wonderful smile and beautiful laugh. Blue grey eyes that were deeper than any I had seen. He cared and he knew how to show it. He hugged me at all the right times and always made me feel good about myself. And he was dedicated and he loved me. But I could go on for ages about what he was. So all you have to know is that he was perfect.

 

 

Follow Your Words, I Miss You

If I caused the earth to tremble
With lurching heaves and desperate gasps
Or created an endless lake
From salty streams and puffy whites
And made the sky tear from the sounds
Of howling time could not quiet

Then there be some distant remorse
In some other body like mine
Whose hands are perhaps as dirty
With colors of the neglected
Unwashed for reasons known to me
And rather covered with soft gloves

A few words are frozen within
There is no fire to bring them back
Nor a good will to dig them up
Only the trembles to remind
And the lakes in which they reflect
How much deeper the lake gets with each viewing!

I will turn my back and strut out
To another place where suns shine
And try to melt these words at last
So that they may wash out of me
To be a pure body again
Free from the wonder and worry

No, the earth will still be rocking
The lake will never be empty
And the howling will still be loud
But their lines will grow ever faint
The flowers will remain distinct
That is all I’ll need forever